Watching someone you care about struggle with their weight is difficult, especially when you know healthier habits could improve their quality of life.
Encouraging a friend or family member to lose weight requires a delicate balance between showing concern and respecting their autonomy. Focus on the health benefits, create a supportive environment that makes healthy choices easier, and offer to join them on their journey toward a healthier weight.
Hi, my name is Shai Walker. I'm a certified personal trainer with over 10 years of experience helping clients achieve sustainable weight loss.
In this article, I'll share how to spark someone's motivation and provide meaningful support without damaging your relationship.
Sparking Their Weight Loss Journey
Encouraging someone to start a weight loss journey is like lighting a match – it requires the right conditions, careful handling, and a lot of patience. The first steps you take will set the tone for their entire experience, so it's essential to approach this sensitive topic with both compassion and strategy.
Have “The Talk” Without Making Them Feel Judged
I had to bring up weight concerns with people I care about several times over the years. Although the signs they need to lose weight were as clear as day, I'd worry about hurting their feelings, and perhaps you do too.
First things first, try finding the right moment for this conversation.
Never bring up weight during meals, at family gatherings, or when the person is already feeling down. Instead, choose a private, relaxed setting where you won't be interrupted.
Give them inspiring reasons to lose weight that don't focus on appearance.
I've found success saying something like, “I care about you and want us to enjoy life together for many years – I'm worried that carrying extra weight might affect your health.”
Be prepared for defensiveness or even anger.
If this happens, don't push. Simply say, “I understand this is difficult to discuss. I'm here when you're ready to talk.” When the moment comes, be a good listener and then make them feel comfortable sharing their fears about weight loss.
Become Their Mirror for Recognizing Negative Habits
As a trainer, I've noticed people trying to lose weight often miss their unhealthy patterns until someone points them out.
My client Jake is a typical example. He couldn't figure out why his weight loss plan wasn't working until we tracked his daily coffee – turns out those four caramel lattes added 1,200 calories daily.
Reflecting someone's habits back to them works best with specific observations.
“I notice you grab fast food whenever you work late” gives them something concrete to consider. This approach highlights patterns without passing judgment on their character.
You could also suggest practical swaps for negative habits.
When I coach people on losing weight with a desk job, and they complain about afternoon energy crashes, I recommend replacing vending machine chips with nuts and an apple.
The best mirrors reflect both problems and progress.
I make sure to point out when someone is drinking more water or taking the stairs. Recognizing these wins reinforces the healthy changes they're already making in their daily weight loss routine and builds momentum.
Share Weight Loss Success Stories That Actually Resonate
When people I train hit plateaus, I don't bombard them with celebrity transformations. Instead, I share relatable stories of others who overcame similar obstacles. You can use this same approach.
Look for success stories that match their specific situation.
If your friend or family member struggles with emotional eating, a story about someone who lost weight while managing stress will connect more than a generic before-and-after.
Keep it realistic – stories of moderate, sustainable weight loss (1-2 pounds per week) are more motivating than dramatic transformations.
When I share how my client Lisa lost 30 pounds over six months while still enjoying modified versions of her favorite foods, it shows manageable weight loss goals in action.
If possible, introduce them to real people who have succeeded. Even online success stories with comment sections can provide proof that regular people achieve healthy weight goals every day.
Create Physical Activity Opportunities Without Mentioning Exercise
The word “exercise” scares off folks who associate it with pain or boredom. This isn't just my opinion; there are studies about it.
That said, natural movement opportunities work better than formal workout invitations when trying to encourage someone to lose weight. Walking the dog to a distant park has the same outcome as 20 minutes of cardio.
Here are some more suggestions for you to try:
» Invite them to activities that happen to involve movement – farmers markets, museum visits, or shopping trips where walking is part of the experience
» Gift experiences rather than things – dance classes, kayak rentals, or garden center vouchers that naturally involve physical activity
» Start traditions that include movement – Sunday afternoon neighborhood explorations or seasonal berry picking
» Modify your usual hangouts – suggest meeting at the park instead of a restaurant, or catching up during a stroll rather than sitting at a coffee shop
You get the idea…making movement feel like a natural, enjoyable part of life.
I keep reminding my clients that housework, gardening, and playing with kids all count toward their daily movement totals and help them burn more calories.
Supporting Their Weight Loss Efforts
Once someone begins their weight loss journey, consistent support becomes pivotal for long-term success. This next phase is about creating structures and relationships that make exercising and eating healthier more enjoyable over time.
Become the Workout Buddy They Look Forward to Seeing
The best workout partners make exercise feel like a treat, not a chore.
With some clients, I create fitness experiences they anticipate, like swapping treadmill sessions with cardio dance like Zumba. You can do this for your loved one too. Just think of activities they genuinely enjoy rather than what burns the most calories.
Consistency matters more than intensity.
You can schedule regular walking dates (same days, same times), which builds accountability without pressure, or try some fun weight loss challenge ideas to tap into friendly rivalry.
Make the social aspect as important as the physical one.
You can use workout time to catch up, talk business, or just laugh together. The movement becomes secondary to the connection, which keeps them coming back.
Start where they are, not where you think they should be.
If you're already fit while they're just beginning, match their pace and duration without comment. I've seen too many good intentions derailed by workout buddies who pushed too hard too soon.
Do Grocery Shopping Together Without Becoming the Food Police
Shopping alongside someone influences their choices without confrontation. I've tried this with friends who struggle with nutrition, and it works great.
Offer to shop together as a helpful gesture, not a monitoring mission. “I'm heading to the store this afternoon…want to come with me?” feels supportive rather than controlling.
Focus on adding healthy foods rather than eliminating treats. Help them fill their carts with colorful vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains before we even discuss reducing processed foods.
Share practical tips while shopping without lecturing. “I love these frozen berries for quick smoothies” or “This brand of yogurt has less sugar” provides helpful information without judgment.
Share Recipes or Cook Meals That Make Healthy Eating Exciting
When supporting someone's weight loss, your cooking skills can be surprisingly powerful.
I like to teach folks how to make lighter versions of their favorite dishes. That's a very effective approach to cut calories without counting.
My client Rachel, for example, loves pasta carbonara, so I showed her how to make it with whole grain pasta, less cheese, and added vegetables. The familiar flavors made the healthier version feel satisfying rather than like a sacrifice.
If you aren't a master chef, text them recipes that combine simplicity with flavor, like 5-ingredient healthy meals that take under 30 minutes to prepare. These quick wins build their confidence in the kitchen and show that healthy cooking fits into busy lives.
Let me end this section by emphasizing that tasty, satisfying food is essential for sticking with healthy eating habits. Nobody maintains a diet that feels like punishment.
Rescue Their Motivation During Inevitable Bad Days
Pursuing a weight loss goal always includes setbacks.
I've never had a client who didn't face at least a few discouraging weigh-ins or moments of frustration. Your support during these low points might be your most valuable contribution.
Be the voice of perspective when they're catastrophizing. Help them see temporary setbacks as just that—temporary—rather than evidence they can't succeed.
Shift the focus to non-scale victories when the scale isn’t moving.
I teach folks to celebrate improved energy, better sleep, looser clothes, clearer skin, etc. Highlighting any progress of your loved one's weight loss journey will help them stay motivated.
Sometimes the best motivation comes from simply showing up.
Text them on rough days, suggest a short walk, or drop off a healthy treat. These small gestures remind them they're not alone in this fight.
